Are you supposed to arrive 20 minutes early to interviews?

 

I'm so tired of the overtime culture.

We had 8 people working in our area per shift. They decided to bring it down to 5 people. We all told them this is a bad idea in case someone goes out on medical because that tends to happen here. Someone went out on medical on a shift. Then they fired someone for attendance on the same shift. So that shift has gone from 8 to 3 in a year. Now they're trying to get everyone to work crazy amounts of overtime. Some people are working 6 days a week.

The problem though is I am being treated like a monster because I have a life outside of work and I'm not taking any extra hours right now, well I've taken two shifts in the past 4 weeks.

We told them this would happen if they shrunk down the team size. And then they decided to fire the person before even letting the one on medical come back. It's hard to feel any sympathy when this is self inflicted by the company. It's like watching someone run towards stairs and you warn them but they just jump and fall anyways. I'll try to help you but I'm not going to jump and fall as well.

Jobadvisor

It is completely reasonable to draw a firm boundary here, and you shouldn't feel guilty for refusing to set yourself on fire to keep the company warm.

Your stair analogy is dead-on. Management made a calculated decision to slash staffing by nearly 40% (8 down to 5) to cut costs, ignoring the predictable reality of sick leave and turnover. When those predictable risks materialized, they doubled down by firing someone before medical leave ended—reducing capacity by over 60% compared to last year.

What you are witnessing now isn't an unexpected emergency; it's bad management disguised as a crisis.

Here is why your position is grounded and completely justified:

• You warned them: You and your team gave actionable feedback based on operational reality. They chose to ignore it.
  
  
• Overtime is a temporary bandage, not a staffing model: Mandatory or guilt-driven overtime masks structural understaffing. If everyone picks up the slack, management receives zero incentive to hire the necessary 3–5 people to fix the core problem.
  
  
• You’ve already contributed: Picking up two extra shifts in a month isn't zero effort; it's a reasonable gesture from someone who values work-life balance.
  
  

When a company runs on a threadbare budget, it relies on employee goodwill to survive. When they alienate that goodwill through poor decisions, they lose the right to demand extra sacrifice.

How are your other remaining team members handling the pressure—are they starting to push back as well, or is the peer pressure coming mostly from management?

Older Worker, Wage Slave

I am a 60yo man and have worked full-time since my early twenties. I can't retire at this juncture of my career but feel that I am literally hanging on by a thread. It would be impossible for a person to be more burned out, tired and just...over everything...than I am. Every. Single. Day is like Sisyphus pushing the boulder to the top of the hill. I just can't take this shit anymore and find myself wishing for doomsday scenarios just so I can get off this fucking hamster wheel. This isn't living.....

Jobadvisor

I hear you, and what you’re describing is a very real, suffocating kind of exhaustion. Pushing that boulder every single day for 40 years—only to realize you still can't let go of the rope—is a heavy, brutal load to carry. It makes complete sense that you feel burnt out, resentful, and utterly over it.

When you're at the absolute end of your rope, "just hanging in there" feels like a cruel demand. But since immediate retirement isn't an option right now, the goal shouldn't be forcing yourself to care about a job that’s draining you dry. The goal is survival mode and radical self-preservation—finding ways to lighten that boulder just enough so it stops crushing you.

Here are a few ways to pull back and protect what energy you have left:

• Practice "Quiet Disengagement": Give up the emotional investment. Do the absolute minimum required to keep your paycheck and stay off the radar. Arrive on time, do your basic tasks at a deliberate, steady pace, and leave on time. If management is bad, let their systems fail—stop acting as the shock absorber for their poor planning.
  
  
• Decouple Your Identity from the Work: When you’ve worked full-time for four decades, it’s easy for work to consume your mental space even off the clock. Treat the job purely as a transactional trade: you give them basic labor, they give you currency to buy your real life. Nothing more, nothing less.
  
  
• Audit the Finish Line: Sometimes the timeline to retirement feels longer than it actually is because of outdated assumptions. If you haven't recently, look closely at your numbers, Social Security estimates, or partial retirement options. Is there a bridge scenario—like stepping down to a lower-stress, lower-paying job, or shifting to part-time—that gets you off the high-pressure hamster wheel sooner?
  
  
• Protect Your Off-Hours: When you leave work, leave it entirely. Don't talk about it at home, don't check emails, and don't spend your evenings dreading tomorrow. Give yourself permission to do things that bring pure, zero-effort comfort or rest.
  
  

You have given four decades of your life to the workforce; you don't owe any employer your sanity, your health, or your spirit.

Do you have a specific target age or financial milestone you're aiming for right now, or does the timeline feel completely uncertain?

Are you supposed to arrive 20 minutes early to interviews?

I had an interview today set for 6:00. I arrived in the parking garage at 5:40. Before I could even park my car the recruiter was calling me asking me if I had any problems finding the garage and I said no, she said great let me know if you need help making it up I said ok and we hung up.

So when I arrive places I like to get there early so I can spend a few minutes in my car getting situated before I go in. I planned to get there early so I can put my heels on and review my answers one more time. A few minutes go by and she calls again and asks me if I am having problems making it up there. By this time I am leaving my car and walking toward the entrance of the building. Once I let her know I was coming up she says okay let me know if you have any problems. While I'm on the phone with her another recruiter calls me and leaves a voicemail saying the interviewer is "literally" waiting on me. By now the time is 5:51 and I am heading to the elevators. I make it up there by 5:55. I am talking to the recruiter and some of the other team members for a few minutes before the manager comes in and takes me to her office to interview.

Once I leave I told my friend how they were blowing up my phone and he tells me it's my fault and I should have been up there 20 minutes before my interview started? Is that true? I was under the impression that the interviewer would be interviewing someone else at that time so I didn't want to come up too early. Now I am worried I wont get the job because of this.

Jobadvisor

Your friend is wrong, and you did nothing wrong.

Arriving at the building 20 minutes early to sit in your car, compose yourself, swap shoes, and review notes is standard, professional interview prep. Showing up at the actual front desk or lobby 10 to 15 minutes before your scheduled time is the industry standard. Walking into the office area at 5:55 PM for a 6:00 PM interview is completely appropriate.

Here is why you should not feel guilty or worry about your timing:

• 10–15 Minutes early is the sweet spot: Showing up inside the office more than 15 minutes early often puts unnecessary pressure on the interviewer, who may still be in another meeting, finishing work, or eating lunch. 5 to 10 minutes early shows punctuality without being invasive.
  
  
• The recruiters panicked prematurely: Blowing up your phone starting at 5:40 PM for a 6:00 PM interview is bizarre behavior on their end. It suggests internal miscommunication—either the hiring manager unexpectedly freed up early and put pressure on the recruiters, or the recruiters were overly anxious.
  
  
• You were early where it counted: You were physically in the building elevator by 5:51 PM and talking to the team by 5:55 PM. You were seated and ready before your official start time.
  
  

Recruiters sometimes operate with high anxiety, but tracking you down in the parking garage 20 minutes before a start time is on them, not you. If you gave strong answers during the actual meeting with the manager, that will matter infinitely more than five extra minutes in a lobby.

Dismissed from my nursing program two weeks into my Senior year, struggling to make a pivot (20M, U.S.)

Not sure if this is the right place to be posting this, but here goes:

For context, it’s been two weeks since I was informed of my dismissal, and about a week since my appeal got rejected. The reasoning stemmed from mismanaged anger, frustration, nervousness, anxiety, and disappointment across my junior year and two weeks into my senior year, primarily during/after tests, exams, and a recent sim lab that I felt like I fell short on. Academically, I did well during my classes and clinical courses, but the behavioral responses led to the conclusion that I wasn’t meeting professional standards.

It’s absolutely devastating because after 13 years of grade school and 3 years of college, I have never failed up until now. I gave 100%, and was actually starting more frequent on-campus counseling and office hours this semester to better manage myself. I felt prepared to bounce back, so losing the opportunity to graduate when I was so close to the end… it hurts.

Even now, I’m still trying to process everything. I feel incredibly disconnected from my cohort, professors, and all these people that I’ve always wanted to be around. I feel guilty for being unable to control myself, and letting down my parents who have worked hard to support me. At the same time, I’ve come to realize that while I want to be around people and make friends, I’m just not ready to face high stakes or pressure if I’m just going to keep second guessing myself.

I don’t want to give up—not when I’m this close to the finish line. I just need help working out my circumstances.

If I switch majors to something viable, like HHS or Heath Informatics, more than half of my 101 credits won’t apply to it. How can I get them to stick, so I don’t have to spend more years than I already have? Is transferring colleges an option, or is it difficult not knowing what’s out there? Am I unlikely to have a personal leave approved given my recent appeal rejection?

I want to say that switching majors is the best move, but I’m so unsure that things will work out for me. I want to find my way back to independence and a degree within the next year or so. This post may screw my chances of getting out of this rut, but I just need to know that what the best possible move is, and what more I can do.

Thanks.

Jobadvisor

I'm sorry, this is a hard thing to go through, especially so close to the finish line. Being dismissed over behavior rather than grades says something about how you handled stress in one setting, and it doesn't make you incapable of finishing a degree. You're also already doing the right things by using counseling and asking questions instead of freezing.

Your credits are probably in better shape than you think. At 101 credits, you likely need about 120 for a bachelor's, so you may be 1-2 semesters from the number, and the rest is just fitting them to a major. Gen eds, anatomy and physiology, microbiology, statistics, psychology, nutrition, and human development usually count toward health-adjacent majors. Even nursing courses that don't map directly often count as electives. Majors that tend to absorb a lot of nursing credits include Health Sciences, Public Health, Health Studies, Human Development, Psychology, and Health Services Administration. Many schools have a Health Sciences degree that works as a landing spot for exactly your situation, and it's often a better fit than Health Informatics, which is more technical and has less overlap.

What to do this week:

1. Ask your registrar or a non-nursing advisor to run a "what-if" degree audit for 2-3 majors. This shows exactly which credits apply and what's left. Most schools do this in the student portal or within a day or two.
2. Check your enrollment status and deadlines. Being dismissed from the program is usually different from being dismissed from the university, so confirm you're still enrolled. Add/drop deadlines are close, and you may be able to start non-nursing courses this semester.
3. Ask whether any further appeal exists above the one you lost, such as the dean of students, an ombudsperson, or the disability services office if your anxiety is documented. Often there isn't one, but it's a short email to find out.
4. Check the financial aid and scholarship effects of changing majors, since some scholarships are tied to the program.

Transferring is possible, but it's usually the slower path for you. Most schools cap transfer credits somewhere around 60-90 and require you to complete the last 30 credits or so at the degree-granting school. With 101 credits, a transfer could force you to redo coursework. Staying at your current school and switching majors is typically the fastest route to a degree within your year timeline. If you do transfer later, applications often ask about disciplinary or program dismissals, and it's best to answer honestly and briefly, with what you've done since.

On personal leave: it's a long shot to help here. Leave generally preserves your place in the program, and you've been removed from it. It could still make sense if you need time to stabilize, but it won't get you the fastest degree. Some nursing programs allow reapplication after a year with documentation of treatment or coping work, so it's worth reading the readmission policy so you know what's possible down the road.

Your sense that you aren't ready for high-pressure settings right now is a reasonable read, and switching majors doesn't close the door on healthcare. Many people thrive in public health, health administration, or other health-adjacent roles, and you can revisit patient-facing work later if you want, perhaps through an accelerated program once you've built more tools for managing stress. Keep up the counseling too. It will help whichever way you go.

As for your parents, a plan you can show them ("here's the audit, here's the timeline, here's what I'm doing about the anger and anxiety") tends to land much better than an apology. And no, this post won't hurt your chances.

Do you know yet whether you're still enrolled at the university, or has the school only communicated the program dismissal so far? That's the first thing that determines your timeline.

My mother now realizes what it's like

Earlier this year, in late February-early March, my mother suffered a massive heart attack and was left unable to work for a considerable time.

For the past 5-6 months, she's been trying to find a job and has been hitting nothing but roadblocks due to being overqualified. She has over 2 decades of management experience, and it means jackshit to these hiring managers. She's far more qualified than I am, so I expected that she might have a job faster than I would, but right now, I'm the only one with a job in this house.

Meanwhile, when I was struggling to get jobs and even get an interview for years, my mother was flabbergasted. What do you mean you can't just walk up, shake someone's hand, and they'll like your moxie and just hand you a job?!

I told her this was sadly reality for a ton of people nowadays, the job market is shit. She can't even get a job as a regular cashier bc she's too over qualified to work there, but when she applies to management positions they string her along for 2-3 interviews before choosing internal candidates (an actual email she got yesterday about a job she thought she was good for)

It just sucks man, everything sucks.

Jobadvisor

That sounds exhausting, and it makes sense that "everything sucks" is where you've landed. Your mom had a massive heart attack, she's been shut out of work for months, and you're the only one with a job in the house. That's a lot of weight on you.

Her situation really is the same market you were describing, just viewed from the other side. Two decades of management experience can work against her: employers assume she'll leave, expect a higher salary, or won't want to report to someone younger. And the "2-3 interviews, then an internal hire" pattern is common enough that many postings are partly formalities. It says nothing about her ability. The gap on her resume is also working against her, even though a heart attack is about as legitimate a reason as exists.

If she's open to it, a few things tend to help people in her spot:

• Contract, interim, or temp-to-hire management roles. Staffing agencies that place supervisors and operations managers often skip the "overqualified" screen, and a contract role fills the gap on her resume.
• Her network over cold applications. After 20 years, former coworkers and vendors are her best shot, since referrals bypass the filters that are rejecting her.
• A resume trimmed to the last 10-15 years, focused on results (team sizes, budgets, turnover cut) rather than a full career history.
• Industries that value experience, like healthcare administration, nonprofits, schools, and local government, which tend to be less obsessed with fresh candidates.

She also may still be recovering. Heart attack recovery can include fatigue, anxiety, and low mood on top of the job stress, so if she hasn't talked to her doctor about that, it's worth raising.

As for the dynamic between you two, it's okay if part of you feels vindicated and part of you just feels bad for her. Both can be true. Maybe she gets it now in a way she didn't before, and that could make her a better ally while you're sorting out your own next steps.

How are you holding up, being the only paycheck right now?

Home from a cruise, absolutely exhausted from tipping requests

Arrived home safely from a cruise recently. It was a nice time but the amoint of times we ran into requests for a tip was absolutely ridiculous.

So, first off everyone knows about adding gratuities to your cruise. On top of that, we got tip envelopes the penultimate day to tip the room cleaner if we wanted. Plus, the waiters and bar attendants. More justifiable since they knew our names and habits, and worked for several days on end.

When we arrived at the port to board, we stopped and I was gonna wait with our belongings to avoid hauling them over from the parking. A man rushed up and took the bags. When my husband was out of earshot, he said he would welcome any tips. I just kept on and happened to notice the big signs that said tipping was not required. When I was leaving to go sit and wait, he said it a 2nd time. Ok, getting asked for money before we're even on the ship. Great.

The eyebrow raising part was how many people expected a tip when we stopped at ports. Taxi? They already charge per person not per mile. Asked for a tip on top.

Rent a car? Ask for a tip bc ??? No idea.

Went to see some ruins and stopped at a bathroom on the way out. There was a lady standing by the sink and when I went to wash my hands, made some small talk. When I was turning to leave, she said if I liked the condition of the bathroom tips are welcome.

Did an excursion. On the ride over, there was a big sign saying tips are not shared between the drivers/guides/activity leaders. So the driver wanted a tip, the guide wanted a tip, and the 3 people leading the activity wanted a tip. On top of the cost of the excursion which was not cheap.

I'm not opposed to leaving some if service was exceptional. But so many people asked for a tip for literally doing the job they were paid to do and in the case of the bathroom attendant, it felt like a tip for just existing.

Coming home, I was so exhausted about being asked to leave extra money everywhere. Almost makes me glad the only place I'm asked at home on a regular basis is at a restaurant (sorry dunkin donuts, you're still not getting one from me).

Jobadvisor

That sounds like a nice trip that got worn down by constant little asks. And the pattern you noticed is real: cruises are one of the most tip-saturated environments around, because the whole industry runs on low base wages for crew. The daily gratuity is meant to cover the service staff (cabin steward, dining team), which is why the extra envelopes can feel like double-dipping. Most cruise lines will tell you the auto-gratuity already covers those roles and anything extra is purely optional, so you didn't owe the envelope.

The port stops are a different story. In a lot of tourist destinations, tipping drivers, guides, and bathroom attendants is a genuine local norm, partly because many of those people earn very little base pay and partly because they know cruise passengers come from a tipping culture. That doesn't make it less tiring to be asked, and the bathroom attendant asking after small talk is pretty typical of how those jobs work. But it does mean it's often less about trying to fleece you and more about how that economy is set up.

A few things that can lower the fatigue next time:

• Decide your budget beforehand. Keep a small stash of singles or local small bills for the people you actually want to tip (a great guide, a helpful steward), so you're not deciding in the moment under pressure.
• Ask what's already included. For excursions and taxis, a quick "is gratuity included?" settles it, and some operators do bundle it.
• A polite "no, thank you" is fine. Tipping signs that say it's not required, like the one at the port, mean exactly that. You're not obligated just because someone asks.
• Skip the guilt on the unrequested stuff. Paying for good service is one thing; paying for the bare minimum or for existing in a bathroom is another, and you can draw your own line.

Your frustration is also shared by plenty of people, which is basically what the whole tipping-fatigue conversation is about: costs that used to be baked into prices now arrive as separate asks. It's wearing even when you're sympathetic to the workers.

Did the cruise's built-in gratuity feel fair to you, or was that part of the annoyance too?

Never trust interviews more than 3+ rounds

I just want to let you guys know that if they ever drag you 3+ interviews, the team is very uncertain & feel there’s a risk in hiring you. At this point, they don’t care about how much effort your putting into wanting the job anymore, and only care about having a new person fully confirm the assumptions & beliefs they had about you.

After having several interviews in my past that were 3-7 interviews long, I learned that the person they plan on hiring is often NOT going through those many stages. They don’t want to keep them in this limbo, so they will give them an offer quicker while they drag out everyone else as backup options.

For example, I once had 7 interviews at a role in a health care clinic & met the person they ended up hiring a couple months later. When I told them about my experience, they were very shocked to hear this as they only had 2 interviews.

Then, today I got a rejection for a role where I did 4 interviews, while everyone else did 2-3 rounds. It was even interesting to learn that they actually ended up hiring multiple candidates. I had all the skills and experience, but I just knew after the third interview I wasn’t getting it.

I’ve worked about 5 jobs in the past 4 years, and never ever have they dragged me through more than 3 interviews at MOST. I’ve even gotten jobs after the 1st interview.

Jobadvisor

The pattern this person describes is real, but their explanation for it is mostly guesswork. Extra rounds don't reliably mean the team doubts you. Sometimes it's a hiring committee that can't agree, a process that adds a round whenever a new stakeholder wants to meet finalists, or a company keeping a backup pool warm while its top choice decides. In your mom's case, the multiple interviews followed by an internal hire fit a different explanation: some postings are posted for compliance and the internal candidate was the plan all along. The poster's own detail that the company hired multiple people is a clue that it wasn't necessarily about uncertainty over them specifically.

Still, the practical takeaway holds up. Don't read a fourth or fifth round as a sign you're close to an offer, and don't pause your search while you wait. Treat it as one live lead among many, and expect that candidates who get fast offers often skip the long loop entirely.

A few things help with long processes:

• Ask about the process up front. "How many rounds should I expect, and what's the timeline?" is a normal question, and a vague answer is useful information.
• Ask what each round is for. If round four covers the same ground as round two, that's a sign of indecision on their end.
• Set your own cutoff. Decide how many rounds you'll do before it stops being worth your time. Past that point it can be fine to say you're weighing other offers and ask where they are.

Their edit also matters. Five jobs in four years, a master's degree, and consistently getting hired elsewhere points to the market and the specific employer, not a flaw in them. If the last job really stopped paying them, they can file a wage claim with their state's labor department, and many states make that easy.

Since this overlaps with what your mom is dealing with, it might be worth sharing. It's one of the few things in the job market that's more validating than depressing.

Nearly four months, hundreds of applications later, and finally find a job in a dumb way.

Applied at a place last week on the recent listings category on LinkedIn that was looking to hire quickly for a government contract. By some miracle I ended up getting the job, good pay and great benefits in my field.

I feel weird because I spent four months applying every day and sending out an insane amount of cover letters only to get a job that didn’t require one and picked me up really fast. The last four months of my life feel wasted. Thanking my lucky stars I got something but I know people who have been looking as long as I have and it’s just not a fair world out there. Godspeed to you all and hope everyone finds something soon.

Jobadvisor

That's a good outcome, and the "wasted months" feeling is common after a long search ends abruptly. But the pattern in this story is useful. The job came from a listing that was only a few days old, from an employer under time pressure (a government contract with a start date), and it was filled fast. Those are different conditions from a typical posting that's been open for weeks, collects hundreds of applicants, and may already have an internal favorite. Applying within the first day or two of a listing, and targeting employers who need people quickly, tends to beat volume.

The four months probably weren't wasted either. Months of applying usually sharpen the resume, build interview practice, and make you faster at recognizing a good fit. It's also possible the application that landed was stronger because of the earlier ones, even if the cover letters themselves didn't matter. Luck played a part, and the poster is right about that, but luck mostly lands on people who are still in the pool.

For you and your mom, a few pieces apply directly. Government contractors, staffing-driven projects, and anything described as "hiring quickly" tend to move faster and care less about the overqualified question, since they need competent people who can start now. Her management background could fit contract-based operations or supervisory roles well. Sorting LinkedIn by most recent and applying within the first day or two is a cheap change that might improve the odds for both of you.

It's also nice to see a post where the story ends with someone finding something, since the last few you've shared have been pretty bleak. Are you and your mom still searching actively, or have you been taking a break from it?