Bad feedback doesn’t develop people.
It damages them.15 toxic “feedback” lines leaders must stop using
1️⃣ "Everyone thinks this about you..."
→ Translation: I am hiding behind imaginary people because I lack the courage to own my words.
2️⃣ "You’re not a culture fit."
→ Code for: We prefer sameness over real diversity and independent thinkers.
3️⃣ "If you were truly committed, you would..."
→ Guilt is not leadership. Respect boundaries or lose talent.
4️⃣ "Don't take this personally."
→ I want to say something hurtful without accountability.
5️⃣ "You're doing great... for your level."
→ That is not praise. That is containment.
6️⃣ "This is for your own good."
→ Control disguised as care. Classic manipulation pattern.
7️⃣ "That’s just who you are."
→ Fixed mindset leadership. They limit you to avoid growing themselves.
8️⃣ "People have mentioned concerns."
→ Faceless feedback is emotional blackmail. Real leaders speak directly.
9️⃣ "Just be more positive."
→ Gaslighting 101: Ignore real problems and smile instead.
🔟 "You need thicker skin."
→ No. They need better communication skills.
1️⃣1️⃣ "I am just being honest."
→ Honesty without empathy is cruelty. Emotional intelligence is not optional.
1️⃣2️⃣ "You're too ambitious."
→ They feel threatened, not helpful.
1️⃣3️⃣ "We decided this is best for you."
→ Career decisions without consent. That is not guidance, that is control.
1️⃣4️⃣ "Others handled it fine."
→ Comparison is not coaching. Context matters.
1️⃣5️⃣ "We will talk about your growth later."
→ Delay tactics to keep you loyal and stagnant.
Here is the truth:
Feedback should build you.
Not to break you.
Not shame of you.
Not silence you.
If growth only happens when you stay small, it is not leadership.
It is insecurity dressed up as authority.
Strong leaders create confidence.
Weak leaders create doubt.
Do not shrink to fit someone else’s comfort.
Protect your voice.
Protect your ambition.
Protect your future.