I'm almost 40, I feel like i been frozen while life passed me by. Anyone else?

 

I don't think I'm being unreasonable by resisting office working

I've had a few mixed opinions about this so I'm curious what this sub thinks.

I work for an organisation that is based in a different city to me. I don't drive and rely on public transport, which is fine (I'm European so there are plenty of trains/buses), but the commute is just over two hours each way so it's pretty draining. I need get up at around 6am and I'm typically not home in the evening until about 8pm. I also have a chronic health condition that makes this even less fun.

My job is 99% computer based. I could literally do it from anywhere. I have a work laptop which connects to a work VPN and gives me access to everything I need. There is zero reason for me to work from the office most of the time, but I agreed to come in twice a week (one day I do need to be there as we have a big in-person staff meeting, the other, honestly, to show face as a goodwill gesture). I'm sure everyone can guess where this is going.

My employer knew I wasn't based in the same city when they hired me, and I specifically told them in the interview that travelling was not ideal, but that I'd make sure I came in as often as necessary to fulfil the demands of the job. My boss told me he doesn't care where I am as long as the work gets done, and to his credit he has been great.

A few months after I started, however, we had an edict from the top brass that all staff must work from the office at least 4/5 days during the week. My actual boss told me not to worry about it and just keep doing what I'm doing. Unfortunately the head of department (his boss) noticed I wasn't around and has started directly sending me paragraphs of passive aggressive emails demanding I work according to 'company policy'. His office is literally steps from my desk, so there's no real way to hide. I've told him that I'm working a pattern agreed with my line manager, and alluded to my health condition. No dice, just more demands and appeals to policy. Just to reiterate, this man is not my boss, but as he is my manager's boss it has put him in an awkward spot.

Thankfully, my boss has suggested I really play up the health condition angle and has set up an occupational health meeting for me. If I play my cards right, I'll be able to get partial homeworking as a reasonable adjustment. I'm very tempted to push even further and argue for full homeworking - if they're going to spit on my goodwill gesture, they can shove it.

However, I'm a little anxious that the occupational health thing doesn't play out. If that happens, I'm planning to just tell them 'no' and let the chips fall where they do. I'm willing to bet that they would rather back down than re-recruit for a relatively specialised role mid-project. It could all blow up in my face though. Exciting!

So I suppose what I'm asking is 'am I being unreasonable?'. Most people I speak to are on my side, but I've had a few tell me it's unfair to my colleagues to expect, as they put it, 'special treatment'. They live in the same city! Going into the office means my day is basically completely gone, I'm exhausted, and I have to spend a good chunk of money commuting, and all to sit in a room doing work that I could easily do from home.

It just got me thinking, because I'll likely be able to get formal concessions based on my health condition, but someone else in the same position wouldn't be able to fall back on that. Health condition or no, mandated office working for a job that doesn't require it seems crazy. I'd understand if it was a role that required a physical presence, but this one absolutely does not. And on the 'fairness' aspect, I'd argue that if someone else is getting away with more flexible working, that's a sign for you to demand better conditions too, not attack the person.

On the plus side, this is really making me consider becoming a union rep. That department doesn't have one but it dearly needs one. I think I'd enjoy pissing off the department head tbh.

Jobadvisor

You aren't being unreasonable, but you are playing a risky hand.

From a purely logical and human perspective, spending four hours a day on public transport with a chronic health condition to do a job that is 99% laptop-based is completely absurd. The "fairness" argument your colleagues are making is a classic example of lateral violence—directing frustration at a peer getting flexibility rather than at leadership enforcing rigid rules that benefit no one. Equal treatment isn't equity, especially when you live in a different city and manage a health condition.

Here is a breakdown of your leverage, your vulnerabilities, and how to play your upcoming Occupational Health (OH) assessment.

The Reality of Your Situation

• Line Manager vs. Department Head: Having your direct boss on your side is a massive plus, but middle managers often get crushed when executive leadership demands 100% compliance with return-to-office (RTO) mandates. Do not rely solely on your manager's informal protection—he can be overruled.
  
  
• The "Specialised Role" Gamble: Calling their bluff by saying "no" and assuming they won't fire you mid-project is high-risk. Companies on RTO crusades frequently choose "making an example of someone" over operational efficiency. If the department head is as rigid and passive-aggressive as he sounds, his ego may outweigh his practical need for your skills.
  
  
• The Goodwill Gesture: You are right that your 2-day compromise was a goodwill gesture. However, framing it out of spite ("if they spit on it, they can shove it") during HR discussions will hurt your case. Keep emotion out of it; stick entirely to medical necessity and operational performance.
  
  

Strategy for the Occupational Health (OH) Meeting

The OH assessment is your strongest legal and organizational leverage. OH practitioners are independent medical professionals, not HR enforcers. Their job is to assess how your health impacts your ability to work and recommend "reasonable adjustments."

1. Focus on Function, Not Preference: Frame everything around how the commute impacts your physical capacity to perform your job. Explain that a 4-hour commute directly exacerbates your condition, causing fatigue/flare-ups that reduce your output.
   
   
2. Push for Maximum Adjustment First: Ask OH to recommend full homeworking with optional attendance for critical in-person events. It is much easier for HR to scale back a strong OH recommendation to 1 day a week than it is for you to negotiate up from 2 days.
   
   
3. Document Everything: Keep a record of your performance reviews, your current output, and the passive-aggressive emails from the department head. If OH recommends homeworking as a reasonable adjustment and the head of department rejects it, he is opening the organization up to a potential disability discrimination claim.
   
   

On Becoming a Union Rep

Go for it. If your workplace lacks a rep, taking on the role gives you formal training on labor rights, a seat at the table, and legal protections against detriment for carrying out union duties. Channeling your frustration with management into formal organizing is far more effective than an individual stand-off.

Bottom line: You are in the right, but don't rely on common sense winning out. Secure the formal OH medical clearance first before making any ultimatum.

I need guidance on an interview

Hi, this is my first in person interview as a fresher and I have no idea how it is going to be and I am super nervous.

It is for a software engineer apprentice role with a good pay and I would love to hear any tips!

Can someone guide me and give me your input on the entire thing? Like how do I enter the interview room? How do i greet them? Should I wait for them to ask me to be seated? How do i start the interview? How do I end it? Should i keep it super professional?

I am spiralling and overthinking. Please help me out

Jobadvisor

First — take a breath. Feeling nervous before your first in-person interview is completely normal, and honestly, it's a good sign that you care. Let's break this down so it feels less overwhelming.

Here's the walkthrough for the actual mechanics of walking in, greeting, and closing out:A few more things worth knowing:

On "professional" — yes, but not stiff. Professional doesn't mean robotic. It means polite, prepared, and respectful of their time. You're allowed to smile, laugh at a light joke, or show genuine enthusiasm about the role. Interviewers for apprentice/fresher roles usually expect nerves and aren't grading you on polish — they're checking if you can learn, communicate, and think through problems.

On "tell me about yourself" — since this almost always opens the interview, have a loose 30-45 second answer ready: who you are, what you studied, a project or two you're proud of, and why this role interests you. Don't memorize it word-for-word or it'll sound robotic — just know the shape of it.

On technical questions — if you get stuck on a coding/technical question, talk out loud. Interviewers usually care more about how you think through a problem than whether you get it instantly right. Saying "let me think through this out loud" is completely normal and often appreciated.

On nerves themselves — a little nervous energy actually reads as caring about the opportunity. If your mind blanks mid-answer, it's fine to say "sorry, let me gather my thoughts for a second" and take a breath. Interviewers see this constantly and it's not a red flag.

You've clearly already put thought into this — that's going to serve you well. Want to do a quick mock run of "tell me about yourself" or some common technical/behavioral questions for a software apprentice role?

"Service is Not Free"

Was flying back through LAX and stopped by the Point of Way Cafe. Ordered by QR code to get a overpriced salad with the driest chicken I had ever had. The server dropping our food was the only interaction we had with him. At the end, paid my bill via the QR app and was going to leave some cash I needed to get rid of as the tip. Waiter saw the the zero tip in app and came by to snidely tell us "Service is Not Free". Bro lost his cash tip right then and there. Gave him an "Okay" and walked out with my wife. Things are really getting out of hand. Was traveling from a place that tipping isn't a thing and loved it so much.

Jobadvisor

Tipping culture in North America has completely detached from its original purpose of rewarding good service, morphing into an aggressive expectation for bare-minimum—or in your case, automated—interactions.

You hit every major pain point driving current consumer frustration:

Why the Shift is Fueling "Tip Fatigue"

• The Tech-Prompt Paradox: QR code ordering, self-checkout kiosks, and app payments have replaced traditional service with self-service, yet the tip prompts remain (and often start at 20–25%). You essentially did the host's and server's jobs by taking your own order and inputting it into a system, making an aggressive demand for extra money even more absurd.
  
  
• Tipping Before Performance: Digital checkout systems force customers to tip before knowing the quality of the food or service. The moment a server confronts a guest over a zero-line on an app—before the meal process is even completely finished—they prove why paying upfront for service is fundamentally broken.
  
  
• Shifting Employer Responsibilities onto Customers: Tipping was historically meant to top off a lower hourly wage for full-service staff providing an end-to-end experience. Now, business owners rely on automatic tip prompts to offset high prices and low wages without actually improving the food quality or guest experience.
  
  

The Contrast with Non-Tipping Cultures

Traveling to countries where service charges are either built into the menu price or absent altogether highlights how stressful the North American model has become. In most of Europe, Asia, and Oceania:

1. The menu price is the real price. What you see is what you pay.
   
   
2. Staff are paid a living baseline wage by their employer, removing transactional awkwardness from human interactions.
   
   
3. Tips are small, discretionary bonuses for truly exceptional service, not an enforced fee to subsidize the house.
   
   

You were completely in the right. Pocketing the cash tip after being confronted over an app screen is the natural consequence of prioritizing a tip entitlement over actual hospitality.

I'm almost 40, I feel like i been frozen while life passed me by. Anyone else?

I have no career or direction. How do I start?

I feel like I'm the only person my age in this situation. I've worked since I was a teenager but never built a real career. I've had around 20 different jobs, mostly in hospitality. If I'm honest, about 4 years of actual work in the last 20 years. Now my inheritance is almost gone( it wasnt much and also i made some money here and there and lived cheap). I feel stuck, unemployed, no clear path, and honestly pretty depressed about it. I'm thinking of trying, something like executive assistant possibly for a remote company as i speak pretty good english and live in Latin America, but I don't have much experience with office tools and don't know if it's realistic. If you were almost 40, with a fragmented work history, and money almost gone, what would you actually do? Where would you start?

Jobadvisor

You are not the only person in this situation—not even close.

Reaching almost 40 and realizing your safety net is disappearing while you lack a linear career path triggers intense panic. But a "fragmented" background isn't a life sentence; it’s just a puzzle that hasn't been put together yet. Working 20 different hospitality jobs means you have spent two decades troubleshooting real-time human problems, managing stress, adapting on the fly, and communicating effectively. That isn't "no experience"—it's unorganized skill.

If you are almost 40, your money is running low, and you need momentum today, here is a practical, phased plan to get moving.

Phase 1: Stabilize First, Build Second

Before you can land a specialized remote role, you need immediate cash flow to stop the financial panic from driving your decisions.

• Get an "Interim" Income Stream Immediately: Do not wait to land your dream remote job before earning money. Look for immediate, low-barrier work in your current location—teaching conversational English locally, tutoring online via platforms like iTalki or Cambly, freelancing basic translation, or taking on local service/hospitality shifts.
  
  
• Treat Your Job Search Like a 9-to-5: If you aren't working, spend 4–6 hours a day learning software, building your resume, and applying. Do not let open-ended days feed the depression.
  
  

Phase 2: Upskill for Remote Roles (The Real Path to EA)

An Executive Assistant (EA) or Virtual Assistant (VA) role is 100% realistic for someone with a strong hospitality background and fluent English living in Latin America. EAs are essentially high-level air traffic controllers—they manage schedules, chaos, and communication, which is identical to high-level hospitality. However, you must bridge the tech gap first.

High-Priority Tools to Learn (Free Tutorials on YouTube & Google Skills)

Category	Must-Learn Tools	Key Skills to Master
Workspace Basics	Google Workspace, Microsoft 365	Gmail organization, Google Calendar scheduling, Excel/Sheets basics, Word/Docs
Project & Task Mgmt	Asana, Trello, Notion	Setting up task boards, tracking deadlines, organizing project files
Communication	Slack, Zoom, Loom	Managing channels, scheduling calls, recording quick video updates
Admin Tools	Canva, Calendly, Zapier	Basic graphic design, setting up automated booking links, simple workflows

Phase 3: Reframe Your Resume & Narrative

Stop thinking of your past as "20 random jobs." Frame it as a intentional series of roles that built operations, customer relations, and problem-solving expertise.

• Use a Functional/Hybrid Resume: Group your experience by skills rather than a rigid chronological timeline. Highlight sections like Operations & Logistics, Client Communication, and Schedule Management.
  
  
• Target Latin American Remote Talent Agencies: Don't just apply on LinkedIn against thousands of applicants. Apply directly through agencies that specifically place bilingual Latin America-based talent with US/European companies (e.g., Virtudesk, Athena, Oceans, Valato, Bilingual Assistants). These agencies often provide training and match you directly with clients.
  
  

Phase 4: Mindset Reset

• Forgive Yourself for the Past: You spent years living cheap, exploring, and surviving. It wasn't "wasted"—it was just unstructured. Nostalgia and regret carry zero practical value right now.
  
  
• Focus on the 5-Year Horizon: At 40, you still have 25+ years of productive work life ahead of you. That is plenty of time to build a solid, respectable, well-paying career.
  
  

Start today by spending two hours learning Google Calendar/Sheets workflows on YouTube and drafting a functional skills-based resume. Smaller steps create momentum. Momentum kills depression.

Literally nobody is hiring for any job, now what

I’m 26 and have never worked a real on paper job in my life. Literally nobody is hiring in my entire life. Trades? Nope. Temp agency? Nope. Fast food? Nope. Office assistant? Nope. Dishwasher janitor landscaper cashier literally anything? Nope.

so I’ve been barely scraping by borrowing money and licking feet. is this just how it’s gonna be forever? Literally no advice online has worked for me. They act like getting that first shitty job is a given. but for me it’s been impossible. Nobody wants me. I’ve been on a job search since I was 20

i was a top student in school. I was 3/4 of the way through an English degree but I had to drop out because we just can’t afford it. my parents kicked me out. I live with my little sister who just finished her chemistry masters and is running into the same brick wall. Is there like a skill I can teach myself that will get me jobs without qualifications like what programming use to be? I don’t have the money to go back to school or do any vocational school

Jobadvisor

You are not crazy, and you are not broken. The job market right now is facing a documented entry-level crisis. Automated tracking systems reject clean resumes, and entry-level positions quietly demand years of prior experience. Experiencing this wall repeatedly creates an overwhelming sense of systemic failure, but your lack of a traditional work history is a structural barrier, not a character flaw.

Because traditional entry-level paths are failing, submitting standard resumes into online portals will yield low results. To break out without money for school, you need to target roles evaluated on verifiable output rather than an institutional work history.

Step 1: Secure Immediate Local Survival Cash

Before building long-term skills, lower your financial stress with low-friction income options:

• Under-the-Radar Local Gig Work: Offer direct-to-consumer services in your neighborhood where no HR software exists (pet sitting, yard cleanup, home organizing, moving help, basic house sitting). Post on hyper-local community boards (Nextdoor, local Facebook groups).
  
  
• Conversational English & Tutoring: Living in Latin America with strong English proficiency gives you an immediate regional advantage. Target local students or professionals through platform-free local tutoring, or apply to online ESL platforms (e.g., Cambly, iTalki) that require native/near-native fluency rather than formal teaching degrees.
  
  

Step 2: Acquire "Show-Me" Skills (The Modern Equivalent of Old Coding)

The current equivalent of early programming—skills you can self-teach for free that employers test with immediate practical tasks—revolves around digital operations, workflow automation, and localized remote support.

1.Master High-Demand Admin & Automation Tools:Build operational tech skills for free.

Focus on tools that standard remote businesses use daily:

• Automation: Learn basic Zapier and Make.com integration. Companies pay remote assistants specifically to connect their forms, spreadsheets, and emails.
  
  
• CRM & Support: Take the HubSpot Academy Inbound & Sales Software certifications (100% free) or the Google Data Analytics / IT Support fundamentals (auditable for free via Coursera).
  
  
• Workspace Management: Learn advanced Google Sheets/Excel (formulas, pivot tables, data cleaning) via YouTube.
  
  

2.Build a Digital Portfolio:Replace missing work history with real proof.

Do not list "unemployed" on a resume. Create a basic 1-page portfolio (using free tools like Notion or Canva) showing actual projects:

• A sample automated workflow (e.g., "Built a Zapier system that extracts lead data from a Google Form into a CRM").
  
  
• A clean data dashboard built in Google Sheets.
  
  
• Sample professional client emails or schedule coordination mockups.
  
  

3.Bypass Traditional Job Portals:Target direct placement agencies and cold outreach.

• Bilingual Remote Talent Agencies: Apply directly to agencies placing Latin American talent with US/EU companies (e.g., Virtudesk, Athena, Oceans, Valato). These agencies prioritize skill assessments over traditional resume timelines.
  
  
• Micro-Freelancing: Start on platforms like Upwork by taking small, low-paying $10–$20 tasks (data entry, transcription, document formatting) specifically to stack 5-star reviews and build proof of work.
  
  

Step 3: Shift the Resume Narrative

Instead of leaving a blank history or listing disconnected gaps:

• Use a Functional Resume: Format your resume around Core Competencies (e.g., Data Management, Digital Automation, Operations Support, Written Communication) at the top, putting the chronological history at the bottom.
  
  
• Account for the Gap: Frame your independent work, learning, and local projects under a cohesive title like "Independent Operations Specialist & Freelancer (Self-Employed)".
  
  

Company talked about my ethnicity post interview among themselves. I have proof.

Hi,

I'm in a startup. They record meetings in an app which is visible to everyone. So I took a look at one of these meetings that happened right after my interviews (I work here now). The transcript had someone comment shit like "he's not like the so and so employee we had but he is (add ethnicity). So that may show his work ethic (in a negative way).

I'm frustrated because I actually enjoyed working here and now I know who may have said that. So it's kinda ruined.

Jobadvisor

That is deeply frustrating and completely unacceptable. Finding out that your hiring or evaluation was tied to racial or ethnic stereotypes—especially at a company you were enjoying—instantly shatters trust and makes the environment feel hostile.

You have clear proof, but navigating this requires protecting yourself first before taking action. Here is how to handle this strategically step-by-step:

1. Secure Your Evidence Immediately

• Save the recording and transcript off company servers. Take screenshots of the transcript showing the speaker, time stamps, and exact quotes. Download the audio or video file if possible.
  
  
• Do not rely on app access. Companies often change permissions or delete meeting archives once an issue arises. Store your copies on a personal device, not a work laptop or company cloud account.
  
  

2. Document Your Current Work Performance

• Before bringing this up to anyone, document your achievements, positive feedback, and project completions.
  
  
• This establishes a clear track record of your actual work ethic and performance, insulating you against any retaliation or bad-faith claims that your work is subpar.
  
  

3. Evaluate Your Options for Next Steps

• Option A: Formal Internal Escalation (HR / Founder)
  
  
  • If the company has an HR department or a trusted co-founder, you can present the evidence and state directly that discriminatory comments about your ethnicity were made during your evaluation.
    
    
  • Risk: In small startups, HR often protects management or the founders rather than the employee.
    
    
• Option B: External Legal Consultation
  
  
  • In many jurisdictions, using race or ethnicity as a factor in hiring or assessing work ethic violates employment non-discrimination laws.
    
    
  • Consult an employment attorney to review the transcript. They can advise you on whether you have grounds for a claim or how to leverage this for a fair exit package if you decide to leave.
    
    
• Option C: Quietly Search for a New Role
  
  
  • If the comment came from leadership or someone you must work with daily, the company culture may be fundamentally compromised. You can choose not to confront them immediately, keep your head down, collect your paycheck, and aggressively interview elsewhere.
    
    

4. How to Handle Daily Interactions

• Keep your communication strictly professional with the individual who made the comment.
  
  
• Do not confront the person casually or one-on-one without a clear strategy, as they may try to cover their tracks or delete the recording before you have formal documentation ready.

Is it over for me because of my job gap?

I've been unemployed for 14 months and I think that has become a huge red-flag over my head. I have 5 yoe in my field (embedded software for automotive). The last few months, I have received some recruiters calls but everytime they ended ghosting me, and I think the gap is the reason because they ask questions about that, the thing is, this works like a vicious cycle, the more time my job gap grows the harder it is to even get a technical interview (My last one was on July, and the previous one was on April, I was ghosted by both).

The worst part is that there are only a few companies where my experience is relevant, they take so long to open new positions and I have been already ghosted/rejected by almost every one of it, so I don't know what else to do.

Is there any hope for me or should I start considering to start over in a completly different field?

Jobadvisor

It is not over for you. A 14-month gap combined with 5 years of specialized experience in embedded automotive software is a major hurdle, but it is not a career death sentence.

The automotive and embedded tech sectors have hit severe hiring lulls over the last two years, driven by EV restructuring, supply chain shifts, and budget freezes. Recruiters know this context, but a growing gap still creates hesitation if it isn't framed proactively.

Here is how to break the cycle and reset your approach:

1. Reframe the Gap on Your Resume

• Give the gap a structural title: Do not leave a 14-month black hole on your resume. Add an entry for the gap period under your experience section formatted as Independent Projects, Consulting, or Professional Development.
  
  
• List concrete activities: Detail advanced coursework (e.g., AUTOSAR architecture, ISO 26262 functional safety, Rust for embedded systems), open-source contributions, or freelance hardware/firmware projects.
  
  
• Control the narrative: Recruiters ask about gaps because they fear your skills went stale or that you left under bad circumstances. Framing the time as intentional upskilling removes that doubt instantly.
  
  

2. Script Your Answer for Recruiter Calls

When recruiters ask about the gap, keep your answer brief, confident, and forward-looking (15-20 seconds maximum). Never sound apologetic.

• Example Script: "After 5 years of continuous work in embedded automotive, I took deliberate time off to focus on upskilling in [specific technology, e.g., AUTOSAR/Cybersecurity] and handling a personal transition. I've stayed sharp by working on [project/certifications], and now I'm fully focused on jumping back into a full-time senior embedded role."
  
  

3. Pivot Beyond Tier-1 Automotive OEMs

If you have already applied to the main automotive companies in your region, expand your target list to adjacent industries that value the exact same skillset (real-time operating systems, C/C++, microcontrollers, low-level drivers):

• Aerospace & Defense: High demand for high-reliability embedded software engineers (DO-178C standards overlap significantly with ISO 26262).
  
  
• Medical Devices: Firmware engineering for life-critical devices requires the same rigor as automotive ECU development.
  
  
• Industrial Automation & Robotics: Companies building PLCs, motor controls, and autonomous mobile robots (AMRs).
  
  
• Consumer Electronics & IoT: Smart home devices, wearables, and power tools.
  
  

4. Change How You Apply

Cold applying to job portals when you have a gap often results in automated filtering. Instead, reach out directly to Engineering Managers or Lead Embedded Developers on LinkedIn rather than recruiters. Technical leaders care far more about whether you know how to configure a CAN bus or write bare-metal C than whether you took a year off.