How to Quit Your Stupid Job

I’m old and have left jobs for an assortment reasons. Bad manager, better offer, stagnation, new baby, whatever. When you gotta go, you gotta go. Sometimes it’s tearful, sometimes more gleeful. No matter the reason, I always quit the same way.
Your resignation is a legal document. It kicks off an official procedure, and that’s its only purpose. It’s not for settling scores, or giving them what-for. Don’t tell off the boss and don’t lay out your case. Just the facts. Here’s the letter I use:
[today’s date]
Please accept this email as notice of my resignation from [position] effective [date]. Let me know how I may help make this transition easier.
Sincerely,
[your name here]
Seriously that’s it. And that’s all it should be.
Notes of gratitude to individuals or the team can come later. Your resignation, though, has one job.
We can all admire the people who pull the emergency aircraft slide, or go out in a blaze of glory to the tune of “Take this Job and Shove It.” Strutting out the door, middle fingers aloft? It’s a great fantasy. And they may even deserve it. But to paraphrase Robin Williams in The Birdcage, “You do an eclectic celebration of a dance... but you keep it all inside.”
There is a time and a place for epic quit fantasies, and it is never in your actual workplace. Even if you’re mad, why give them the satisfaction? No matter your reason for going, go forth and live your best life.
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